ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
