I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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