Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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