All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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