The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
