I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
