I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
