in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
