i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
