haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize