it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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