I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
