I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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