Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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