We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I need moral support for this bender
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
