Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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