Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
