My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
