I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
