I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
