i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
