I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
