Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
