Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
