I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
