well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
