Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
