can u get pink eye on your cock?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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