It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
