brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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