i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
