so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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