Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
