I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
