I hate your face
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
