Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
