im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Randomize
