Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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