so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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