Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
