and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
