gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
