Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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