If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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