Did you just see the Batmobile???
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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