awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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