We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
