Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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