Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
as a side note pls kill me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
