new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
