yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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