Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
