Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
