i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
