How'd it feel making her break her religion?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
