I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
