Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
