Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He shit in the fireplace
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
