Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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