Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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