Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
