i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
