Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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