My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
