highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
