I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
