nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
