how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
