I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
