There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize