Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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