I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
