Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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