No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
