He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
