I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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