The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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