if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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