He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
